Funnies...

A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball.

The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid.

The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral.

The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table.

 

Are you a geek?

I’d tell you a UDP joke, but you may not get it.

I prefer IP jokes; it’s all in the delivery.

I could tell you a joke about TCP, but I’d have to keep repeating it until you got it.


 

A cowboy walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."

 

My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street.

I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are you doing anything?”

I quickly replied, “Nope, I’m free!”

“Great” she said. ”Can you watch my dog?”

 

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbor is."

 

Young guy is at a bar and meets a woman quite a bit older, but still really hot and sexy.  After drinking and dancing all evening they decide to go back to her place.  When they get to the door, she says "let's be real wild tonight.  Do you want to do it with a mother and daughter at the same time?"  Wow, he thinks if she's still hot, the daughter must be a knockout! "Oh yeah!" he replies.  She opens the front door and turning on the light she shouts: "Ma, you still up?"