After getting crappy measurements on the secondary of my coils, I decided to try the new Emgo Coils Z1 had on their website.
As you can see below, they are a drop-in replacement for the factory KZ650 coils, identical in shape and size!
New NGK spark plug caps, some cutting and screwing, and I had new coils, plug wires, and plug caps in about an hour!
TIP: Really check your old coils properly. My Factory Service Manual never said anything about removing the old plug caps to check the coils themselves.
Turns out my old coils are still good, with about 4.5ohms on the primary and 14.5kohm on the secondary. The ends of the plug wires were badly corroded, and a couple plug caps were too.
Fortunately/Unfortunately the plug wires had already been chopped before for a cap replacement, and I don't think I could have cut them again and had the wires reach the new plug caps.
Long story short - if your secondary readings are >30kohm up to infinity, check your plug caps and connections before replacing perfectly good coils. They are far more likely to fail than the coils themselves.